Pregnant Bellies

Mar 12, 2010

I nearly embarrassed myself very badly yesterday at Costco.

I was in line behind a very skinny woman with a very pregnant belly. Her belly was huge and it appeared that baby was going to just pop out any day now.

I was about to say, “How long till the baby arrives?” or something along those lines, but then I stopped myself.

And boy, am I glad I did! A moment later I looked in her grocery cart and there was a brand-new, maybe-two-day-old baby!!

The woman had already HAD the baby. What I was seeing was the “after-effect!”

I was so happy I’d kept my mouth shut.

In fact, to be honest with you, I never, ever, EVER ask a woman when her baby is due. I haven’t in years. Unless I have been told (by an extremely reliable source) that she is pregnant, I don’t say a word.

Years ago, when we were stationed in Kansas, we attended a church in the town of Manhattan. We had some other Army friends who went there, too, and we always sat with the same married couple. Their names were Ginger and Reid and they were both officers in the Army.

Anyway, one Sunday morning, we were all sitting towards the front of the church when it came to that point in the service where you turn around and greet the people near you. As we were shaking hands, Ginger noticed a woman directly behind us who had an enormous pregnant belly. As they shook hands, Ginger said, “When are you due?”

To all of our horror, the woman looked at Ginger and said, with a dead serious look on her face, “I am not pregnant.”

I think you could hear all of us stop breathing.

Luckily for us, the service began again at that moment and the four of us turned back to face the front of the church. None of us knew what to do. I’m sure we all wanted to walk out and go home. We were so embarrassed. We kept sneaking each other sideways glances, not daring to turn around again.

On the way home, I said to Rob, “Do you think she has a gigantic tumor in her stomach? What else could make her look that way?”

“I don’t know,” Rob said. “But that was really, really, really embarrassing.”

About two weeks later, it was announced from the pulpit that the woman had given birth to a healthy baby boy.

I wanted to kill her.

She’d been kidding and never hinted to us that it was a joke.

To this day, Rob and I often talk about how mortified we all were.

Still, even though that woman may have been kidding, I learned my lesson that day.

Just because a woman may look very, very, very pregnant does not mean she is.

It doesn’t matter how skinny the rest of her body is or how big her belly is.

I ain't sayin’ nuttin’.

7 comments:

Coupon Clippin' Mommy said...

I had one of those "glad I didn't say anything" moments at Target the other day.

Suzy said...

This happened to my mother in law. She was walking along the beach and an older couple hollered to her, "Boy I'd sure hate to be pregnant in this heat!" My MIL laughed and hollered back, "So would I!" Good thing she has a sense of humour.

At the time she had skinny legs and arms and a belly. But was in her 40's and DONE having kids!

DeDe Kellicker said...

I did do that once... swore to never do it again! Thankfully, it was a child-hood friend who just laughed at me and said, "Gee thanks, can you give me more than two weeks to lose the weight? It took me nine months to gain it all!" I knew she had been pregnant, but hadn't seen her throughout the entire pregnancy, so I had no concept of time and was easily forgiven! WHEW!

However, since I was pregnant with the twins, I usually don't even ask the obvious questions or make comments on pregnant bellies... "when are you due?", "I bet you are ready any day now!", etc. I got so tired of answering, "No, it's not any day now, I have 5 more months", "Yes, I am really big, I'm having twins", "Yes, I am pretty miserable", "No, there is not room for one more!", etc. Of course, I do still enjoy poking fun at my close friends, now and then with their pregnancies... but with strangers, I keep the mouth shut, so my foot doesn't have to visit!

kimmie said...

that's hilarious :)

When I was pregnant, I found it hilarious when people would stare at my belly and you could tell they wanted to ask but kept their mouth shut, afraid they'd insult me if I wasn't actually pregnant.

Tracie said...

That is so funny!!

I'm with you on this...I never ask unless I already know for sure. My husband almost asked a woman at our church several years ago, but thankfully he mentioned it to me first, because I was able to tell him she WAS NOT! Crisis averted!

Joy said...

I had someone mistake me for pregnant once. Not really even sure how she got that idea since that was before I had children and didn't have that left over mom pooch. I was wearing a shirt that could be mistaken for a maternity shirt where it tied in the back but if I had to really take a guess I'd bet she had baby on the brain since she was currently pregnant her self. But still... it kinda stunk. I tried to not let her feel too badly about it since she meant no harm but yikes! I think it really had to do with the shirt I was wearing and not the belly but I could only imagine what someone who did have extra in the front would feel. Nope, the only time I feel its ok to ask anyone when they are due is when its a big burly man with a beer belly. Thats when I ask when his pony keg is due.

Anonymous said...

Hey Kelly, this is a crack up! Particularly since I know Ginger and Reid! I was asked when i was due once...it was the day after the baby was born and I just laughed and said I had the baby yesterday. --I was buying candy at sees candy so it only make sense :) Anyway, I thought it was hysterical. Little kids ask my mom all the time (not so much anymore as she is old) if she had a baby in her belly. She is heavily overweight and kids say what they think. My mother came up with some pretty creative responses over the years. As a result, I have learned the same lesson that you shared. Great story! Have a good day. Staci

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